The Ordway

Today Jesus is dying for our sins. Before he goes, I want to thank him for metro transit. If it wasn't for the bus lane in downtown Minneapolis, I wouldn't have seen the advertisement for Wuthering Heights, my absolute favorite book ever in opera form. Of course I had to get tickets, despite the fact that the closest I've ever been to an opera is filling "aria" into my crossword puzzle. I tried to bribe my sister to go because she can get extra credit for performances in her band class, but she is always too busy being an angsty teen. Thus, I decided to invite my grandma. She's in a book club, she has read my favorite book, and she's a cheap senior discount date. Good plan right?

Let me tell you, my grandma does not like anything. She kindly informed me that she was very excited. And then proceeded to go on about how much she disliked reading Wuthering Heights because it's too dark and twisted. Oh and, she's so glad that no one in our family acts like Heathcliff and Cathy. One more doozy: The only other time she's been to an opera, she walked out. IN ROME.

What. A. Buzz. Kill.

The text messages I exchanged with my dad after I called my grandma went like this:

-"WHY DOES SHE DO THIS TO ME? UGH."

-"I nvr ask her 2 do nething nemore. Dnt worry. She told me shes xcited last wk wen I accidently told her ur plan."

-"Right, Kesha. We R Who We R. If she tries to leave I'm putting her in a cab to the nunnery"

-"wat?"

After I purchased our discounted tickets at exactly 5:54 p.m., I bounced around for a few minutes and screamed in excitement. My younger sister (who is just learning how to tell time) yelled at me, "Shut up kay kay, It's 12:30, wait a half hour will you?" I forgot all about my grandma being a gigantic bore until later in the week when I called her to confirm our plans and she said "Oh goodness, I haven't been downtown in 20 years. That should be interesting." Gahhhhhh.

I was so, so wrong. The entire night was fantastic (besides the huge run that my control top nylons acquired while I was crawling around looking for shoes). Wuthering Heights at The Ordway in St. Paul was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It brought tears to my eyeballs, I was so moved. But remember, I am an amateur opera attendee. I'm the girl who duct taped two toilet paper rolls together to make theater binoculars. I was so happy that FINALLY someone (Hindley's character) had managed to make the phrase "I'm going to kick out your brains" sound classy and glamorous. Not to mention opera singers are spicy hot, but I wasn't about to say that to my grandma.

(I'm 66% sure you're not supposed to take pictures)

My G-unit either pretended to feel the same way as me, or she really did enjoy herself. She happened to murmur after the house lights went up that she may just finish reading the book. That is all that I could ask for.

Next time you see me I'll be in Seat 9, Mezzanine Box J. Either that or I'm auditioning for the next opera season. I sang "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner in aria at work today and everyone just adored it....

Happy Earth Day and Good Friday, adieu :)

-kb

P.S. If you have a chance tomorrow night (April 23rd) and you're in the Twin Cities you should try and get tickets for the last performance. Wuthering Heights starts at 7:30 P.M. at The Ordway in the cardiac cavity of St. Paul. It's in English, and if you haven't spent the last 20 years tuning your ear to understand "sopranist" they have subtitles above the stage. You can get tickets at mnopera.org. Remember to call the offices for a discounted price if you're a student (k-12/college) or if you're going with your 65+ picky grandmother. -Also, If you're a lucky s.o.b. and you get backstage, ask the orchestra conductor how much his hands are insured for. Report back. I was curious.

aging

Sometimes I wonder how men will feel about the way they've treated people when they get to the point in their lives where they reflect, and actually have feelings. Women reflect on their feelings every day, but for men, I believe such reflection comes much later in life. I don't think that the masculine persona is worth the repercussions when that is the way one has to remember themselves for the rest of their lives. And although the feelings about one's self die with the body, the actions live on as memories in everyone else for generations.

I work with a lot of eldery people who have nothing to do all day. No letters to send or phone calls to make because they have no one left to give themselves to. Some stare at the walls all day and into the night, not even caring that the lights need to be turned on when dark falls. Even in the brain of a person with Alzheimer's, what are they thinking? The short term memory fails, but the past is as strong as ever. Have you ever tried to bring an Alzheimer's patient back to present time? In training caregivers are taught that at a certain point, it's almost better for the person if you don't bring them back from 1954. If science could prove that we are actually reliving our bad moments over and over again as our reality fades, I think everyone would become a lot nicer to each other. If I've learned anything from the elderly it's that you should always be gracious onto others. It only takes a few seconds for you to need that person more than you've ever needed anyone in your life.

Are you happy with the way you treated others today?

How to Find a Book at Half Price Books

The truth is, you don't.

I've been looking for The Omnivore's Dilemma for almost six months at my local Half- Price Books store and I haven't found it once. Yes, at one point in the six months I came across enough money to buy myself 45 new copies of the book in hardcover and a yacht, but I prefer used books solely for the sake of someone else's snotty fingers dog ear-ing all of the pages before me. Recently, I gave up leisure reads for highlighting textbooks. But, in light of my recent obsession with stalking The Amatuer Gourmet for updates every ten minutes, I went back to Half Price Books to find Adam's book which is properly named The Amatuer Gourmet ... I wonder where he came up with that??? Funny thing, I didn't find the book. I scanned every isle that it could be in (Those discount book stores are really sneaky. I found Eat, Pray, Love in the marriage section once) but to no avail. What I did find, though, was The Omnivore's Dilemma. They say that you find love when you least expect it. Tonight has proven that I can apply that rule to my entire life, and I will, which is why I have discontinued all attempts to located my bellybutton. I will find it when I least expect it.

Today, I also learned how to create a link. How elementary of me, but I've noticed that a successful blogger links EVERYTHING.

Lazy Sunday When Minneapolis is Slush

If you ever have a lazy day when you don't want to exercise throw on some comfy, fashionista clothes and hit up the Minneapolis Institute of Arts in South Minneapolis. Free admission, with donations accepted, the museum is a good way to relax and burn off some of that skinny no whip vanilla latte that you've been slamming all your life. Art is also good for wiping the sludge off your brain (except for the "Erotic Plates" from Korea... don't forget your glasses or you'll miss the teeny tiny phallic details on centuries old ceramic) I missed the Venetian paintings because I started getting tired by the time I got to the 3rd floor. Too much drinky drinky the night before for how much walky walky I did, luckily they have a coffee shop that sells beer. sil vous plait!! I'll probably go back this week to check out the Venetian paintings from Scotland; it's Scottish and it makes me feel inches closer to Craig Ferguson. Delicious.

I suggest, if you are a 20 something like myself and you have a fantasy of meeting the love of your life at the Goya painting, that you go on a weekday.... Or any day that isn't an elementary school teacher workshop/weekend. Shrouds of loud kids clomping around in their boots kind of ruins the peacefulness of the Buddha statues on the second floor. An art student friend of my suggested between 3-5 or else getting away from the excess noise would mean hiding in the modern art galleries for three hours. Other than annoyed bitches like myself, the museum is really children friendly. I will take my sisters some day so I can pretend like I know everything about art interpretation.

My favorite section is the Asian parts of the world. I'm not trying to turn into a manga loving, white face painting wannabe, but I really appreciate the beauty and the air of delicacy that surrounds the sacred practices of the historic dynasties. You don't find any anime cluttering the MIA walls. The Japanese art shows a significant change in their development as an independent country with paintings and screens that shows a shift from depicting other countries to embracing their own landscape. You can also see the greater care that they put into their possessions from their wardrobe to their enchanting pottery pieces. I just wish they would have let me try on the kimono...

When you leave the MIA you will find yourself fantasizing about being an art curator. Don't quit your day job. We can't all be Charlotte York from Sex and the City. Go buy a slice of pizza and call it a day.

I made my first pizza!!!