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Sunday, November 14, 2010

I've had this saved as a draft for a year. I wish I was still this passionate...

We have to take care of each other. When a baby cries into the night, people rush to them, and that should never change. If a woman screams in the night, someone should run to her.

I live a very fortunate life. I know now, at 20 years of age, that I can bounce back when I am shaken to the core. But what about survivors of assault, rape, and mistreatment? What about the woman who can't get off her knees because someone decided that they had the right to knock her down. To be unwillingly stripped of everything that feels right in the world is to be figuratively brought to the ground indefinitely, and life suddenly feels wrong. Faith is depleted by just trying to survive the day. Thinking about the struggles of women whom I don't know is a big concept for me to grasp, and when I sit and listen to a preacher preach, I can't help thinking about those women. Where is this God that the preacher speaks of when they need him? Why is it that to test one's faith, one must be sexually violated? And why, someone tell me, is it that the preacher doesn't talk about rape. They talk about the stressors of daily living and preaching to your enemies, but you give me one woman who spoke "the word" to her rapist while he was attacking her. Women are merely trying to survive. And we wonder why people blame God.

When I was 12 years old my youngest sister was an infant. She spent hours of each night crying and crying. I spent half of the night hiding under my covers trying to rid myself of my guardian angels. I wanted them to flock to my sister and take care of her because I didn't need them at that moment. Obviously, if she was wailing, her angels were still using their training wings. I would never know if it worked, or if they ever left me, but I hope that they took the opportunity. I feel the same way today as I did as a young girl. I want my God and my angels to flock to my sisters all over the world because I am okay right now, and my sisters need a leap of faith. I will sacrifice my faith for them if they will take it. I want them to feel that God is listening, right now he is just saying no, which is better than saying nothing at all. I believe this, because humanity has failed me, and faith is all that feels comfortable.

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